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There may be some duplicates here, but if you know. Musician Jokes that we dont already have. Politically incorrect, off color, slightly suggestive. X, XX, XXX. stuff is not for here. Enjoy. Dr. Duck How do you get two piccolo players to play in perfect unison Shoot one. Whats the difference between a fiddle and a violin Who cares neither ones a guitar. How do you know when the stage is level The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth. Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune Neither did IWhy are so many guitarists jokes one liners So the rest of the band can understand them. What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend Homeless. Whats the definition of a minor secondTwo oboists playing in perfect unison. How do you get a guitar player off of your front porch Pay for the pizza. How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughn tune. Evidently all of them. What do you do if your bassist is drowning Throw him his amp. Saint Peter is checking in new arrivals in heaven. What did you do on EarthI was a surgeon. I helped the lame to walk. Well, go right on in through the Pearly GatesWhat did you do on EarthI was a school teacher. I taught the blind to see. Fine. Pearly GatesWhat did you do on EarthI was a musician. I helped make sad people happy. You can load in through the kitchen. Whats the difference between an oboe and an onionNo one cries when you chop up an oboe. Whats the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline. Mommy Mommy When I grow up I want to be a guitar playerNow Johnny, you cant do bothWhy did the chicken cross the road To get away from the bassoon recital. A trombone player and an accordion player are playing a New Yearss eve. The place is packed and everybody is absolutely loving. You guys sound great. Id like. to know if the two of you are free to come back here next New Years eve. The two musicians look at each other then to the club owner. Sure. wed love to. Is it OK if we leave our stuff. Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard So they can park in the handicapped zones. What is perfect pitchWhen you lob a clarinet into a toilet without hitting the rim. Whats the definition of a nerd Someone who owns his own alto clarinet. What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain Gifted. Whats the difference between a lawn mower and a soprano sax You can tune a lawn mower, and the neighbors are upset if you borrow alawn mower and dont return it. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions anin tune tenor sax player, an out of tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus The out of tune tenor sax player. The other two indicate you are hallucinating. How do you make a chain saw sound like a baritone sax Add vibrato. How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulbFive one to handle the bulb, and the other four to tell him how muchbetter they couldve done it. What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common Both suck when you plug them in. How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb None. What do you say to a guitar player in a 3 piece suit Will the defendant please rise. Two guys were walking down the street. How is an orgasm like a drum solo You can tell its coming but theres no way to stop it. What do call a successful musician A guy whose wifegirlfriend has 2 jobs. Dr. Ducks. Guitar. Prescription. Radio. ShowAttn Guitar Enthusiast. If you would like Dr. Ducks Guitar Prescription. Radio Show to play in your area. Please contact your local College. Non Profit Radio Station. Syndication. is Immediately Available in Most Areas. Thanks. Rock On. Dr. Duck. How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn Stick your hand in the bell and play all the wrong notes. Whats the difference between a dead trombonist in the road and a dead. The country singer mightve been on his way to a recording session. How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trombonists car Take the Dominos Pizza sign off the roof. What kind of calendar does a trombonist use for his gigsYear at a glanceClick Here To See What. Folks Are Saying About Dr. Ducks Guitar StringsHow can you tell which kid on the playground is the trombone players. He doesn,t know how to work the slide and he can,t swing Whats the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead trombonist. Skid marks in front of the snake. Wedding Band RequestsDear Bandleader thank you for your letter. I really do think you have. Whatme and my wife were thinking was Any Keith Jarrett composition from his solo series. Please arrange forfull ensemble and nothing in 44 please. Mahavishnu Orchestra, Dance of the Maya and please have the guitar playerplay John Mcglaughlins solo from the live performance Nov. Chrysler Arena. My wife and I were at that show and particularly liked hisuse of polyrhythmics. If you find it too difficult you can leave out thefeedback. Your choice. John Coltranes duets with Pharaoh Sanders. I understand that their. We thought a little Stravinsky would be nice. We particularly like theRite of Spring. If you want to use the sheet music its OK. My husbandlikes it about 14 note 9. Then for the candle lighting ceremony, please learn Frank Zappas The. Great Wazoo. If you want to play it in the originally B flat, that. OK. And yes, cousin Jeannie does want to sing the baritone sax solo. Please dont say no, it would hurt her feelings so. Finally we have built our own musical instruments Its kind of a hobbywith us and we would appreciate if you would use our instruments. None. ofthem are based upon a 1. We would be happy to pay each member an extra 2. Thank you and dont be late Mr. Mrs. Snovly. A sax player dies and goes to the pearly gates. St Peter says sorry too. The elevator doors open. All the greatest are on stage on a break. He. goes over to Charlie Parker and says. Hey this cant be Hell all the best. Charlie says hey man Karen Carpenter is on drums C, E flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, Sorry, we dont. E flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between. G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment. D comes into the bar and heads straight. Excuse me, Ill just be a second. A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative. C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B flat. Iso 9001 Handboek Gratis. Get out now. Youre the seventh. Ive found in this bar tonight. Next night, E flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3 piece. The bartender who used to have a nice corporate. Youre looking pretty sharp. Come on in. This could be a major development. And in fact. E flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of. DS without Coda at an up scale correctional. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found. The bartender decides, however, that since hes only had tenor so patrons.